Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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