I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
