omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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