how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
