We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
