Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
