I puked a lego.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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