The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
