when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
