Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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