i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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