so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I want her autograph on my taint
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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