my phone needs a breathalizer
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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