He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
