I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
