dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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