Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
