I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
