True but thats because hes a fetus.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think I just sharted jello shots
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize