4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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