I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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