omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just tell him i said nine months
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
