We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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