I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
