i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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