I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
