I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
