My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
there is puke in my bra ... again
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
