guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
