It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
