just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
