She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
