She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
