I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
