Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
