The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
