the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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