the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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