the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
