just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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