summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
