there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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