I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
