i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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