You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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