i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
