I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
