I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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