At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
