CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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