I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
