thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
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He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
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Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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