just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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