The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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