Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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