There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
