we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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