He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
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It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
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He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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