New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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