either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
