I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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