You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
