Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
