Where is the hickey?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
